Review: GRINDHOUSE

TARANTINO AND RODRIGUEZ'S B-MOVIE DOUBLE BILL EXPERIMENT YIELDS MIXED RESULTS...

Directors: Robert Rodriguez, Quentin Taratino, Edgar Wright, Eli Roth, Rob Zombie
Writers: Robert Rodriguez, Quentin Taratino, Eli Roth, Jeff Rendell
Cast: Naveen Andrews, Michael Biehn, Kurt Russell, Rosario Dawson, Josh Brolin, Vanessa Ferlito, Freddy Rodriguez, Quentin Tarantino
Certificate: 18
Running Time: 189 minutes
Release Date: 06/04/07

Concept: Inspired by dark, dirty movie theatres from the 70s that showed late night exploitation double bills dealing in guns, girls, sex, violence and horror, Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino have produced their own double bill, featuring Rodriguez's 'Planet Terror' and Tarantino's 'Death Proof', and which also includes a number of sleazy, gritty faux-trailerS made by other notable film makers.

Review: AS FAR as concept's go, it's a pretty irresistible prospect for anyone with any interest in film; two of America's hippest directors heading up a bill also featuring talent such as Eli Roth (Cabin Fever, Hostel), Britain's own Edgar Wright (Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz) and the demented Rob Zombie (House of 1000 Corpses).

Most people in the UK wouldn't have directly experienced the 'grind house' in all it's glory, but some will have, at some point, indulged in some intensive viewings of the grimy films that the film makers here are parodying/paying homage to. Part of the enjoyment of these films lies in their faults as well as their strengths. The poor film quality, outrageous violence, gratuitous sex scenes and over-the-top acting, dialogue and storylines all make up the brilliance of the genre. Often the film is more enjoyable the worse it is.

In terms of placing you in the 'grind house', this film succeeds completely. The between-movie infomercial nuances, familiar from Kill Bill 1 and 2, are present and correct once again, and the various film makers assembled perfectly capture the dirty aesthetic of the movies they are based on, complete with all the subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) elements. So much so, that you almost feel like you could be at a late night showing in a movie theatre during the 1970s surrounded by junkies, drunks, transvestites and other general peripheral figures of society, all joined together by a love of all things extreme on celluloid.

The 'fake' trailer are, on the whole, excellent. Edgar Wright's Don't comically riffs on the 'don't-enter-the-cursed-looking-house' scenario of a million horror films, while Eli Roth's brilliant gritty slasher trailer for Thanksgiving is spot on, complete with gore, breasts and great voice over lines full of wry winks and innuendo ("White meat...dark meat...all will be carved..." and "This year there will be...no left overs.") Roth's trailer is so good that for a moment I really thought it was a real film.

The action trailer for Machete also looked good, featuring seasoned 'Mexican-criminal' actor Danny Trejo and Rob Zombie's 'Nazis 'n' chicks' trailer for Werewolf Women of the SS was very entertaining although seemed to be on the edge, or over it, of trying too hard.

But what of the actual films themselves? Onto the main features and first up is Rodriguez's Planet Terror (right). The plot is reasonably non-existent and non-important. What we have is an outbreak of some virus, or chemicals, or chemical virus that turns people into zombies. The people have to fight back, of course, and are lead by hard boiled cop Michael Biehn and rugged drifter Freddy Rodriguez (below, 2nd from left).

It's all really quite mental; Bruce Willis with a melting face, a woman who has her leg amputated and replaces it with a machine gun, a truck smashing and splashing it's way through dozens of zombies, Quentin Tarantino as a grotesque rapist soldier, shootouts, and a deliberately grimy and inappropriately timed sex scene. The acting is purposefully hammed up in places, although there is some nice character and relationship development in between the gory action.

Rodriguez has taken all the elements of the zombie/sci-fi B-movie and turned it up to 11. With better make up and special effects available than the film makers he is inspired by he can let his imagination run riot, hence the machine-gun-attached-to-leg scenario.

The affection for the grindhouse genre is apparent throughout, as is evident through the artificial 'distressing' of the film quality, which enhances the gory atmosphere of the film.

Planet Terror is awesome. With no-holds barred gore, killer one liners, OTT action and hack dialogue. it is both parody and genuinely brilliant zombie film in one bloody package. Everyone in it is clearly having fun, but all play it straight, which adds to the overall effect. It's full of glorious B-movie character stereotypes and plot cliches that take several viewings to completely appreciate.

Following Rodriguez's thumping, pumping, adrenaline and testosterone fuelled effort, what could Tarantino offer up? The answer is; a major disappointment. Even with sugar on top, Death Proof a big let down after the genre genius of Planet Terror.

As Grindhouse is a double bill, the two main films are to be considered separate in their own right. In fact, in many countries Grindhouse will be split and Planet Terror and Death Proof (right) will be released separately. Considering this then, Death Proof is easily Tarantino's worst film to date.

The 'plot' revolves around a character called Stuntman Mike (Kurt Russell, below left), a psycho who likes to kill people using his 'death proof' car. He charms women and offers them a lift home. Then he kills them. Other times he follows groups of women and terrorises them. With the hope of killing them. Which is all well and good, but that's all that happens. In short, Death Proof has a concept but no story.

Tarantino's biggest ace has always been his sharp, snappy, Madonna-and-cheeseburger pop culture referencing dialogue. And there's talking in Death Proof. A lot of talking. But it's not snappy. It's not sharp. And it's not about Madonna. Actually, it's not really about anything. It's totally, utterly boring. In fact, at one point we get treated to a ten minute single take when a group of characters natter on about topics so dull the people I was watching the film with started up their own conversations. Seriously - ten minutes. With nothing happening. It was like watching a new Gus Van Sant movie.

Tarantino broke some rules with Resevoir Dogs. He made many people realise you can have dialogue in a film that doesn't merely provide exposition, move the plot along or develop characters according to a formula. Dialogue can be quirky, trivial and seemingly irrelevant. But you can only do that if the dialogue is interesting and/or amusing. In this respect, Death Proof fails, and Tarantino gets lost in a vortex of banality.

I honestly am not sure what Tarantino is trying to do here. He has simply reproduced a bad B-movie psycho-stalker film. It's boring and bereft of any real humour, drama, suspense or excitement. You keep waiting for it to change into a higher gear, but it never does. Occasionally a scene holds your interest, such as when we are introduced to Stuntman Mike, but otherwise it's a long drawn out experiment in tedium.

At one point during Death Proof QT himself pops up in a bar, as does Eli Roth. They're both laughing and drinking, and one gets the feeling Tarantino is having more fun than the audience.

Death Proof smacks of being a whimsical idea or joke that went too far, a prank on the viewer. Perhaps Tarantino is being too clever for us all, trying to lull us into a false sense of security with dull dialogue before shocking us with sudden violent moments. Perhaps. If that's the case it's so self-indulgent it's practically masturbation.

Undoubtedly, Death Proof will suffer from 'Broken Flowers syndrome', where fans love the director and actors involved so much they're too scared to consider the film objectively, and end up praising it even though it's a poor offering. Just like Broken Flowers, Death Proof leaves you wondering, 'What was the point?'

The credit 'A Film by Quentin Tarantino' still elicits excitement, but one feels that, taken into account along with the Kill Bill films, Quentin Tarantino has lost his way as a visionary writer and director and is now simply regurgitating his cinematic influences and passions rather than making his films his own. While his friend and collaborator Robert Rodriquez goes from strength to strength with films such as Planet Terror and Sin City, Tarantino is dangerously close to becoming a film maker living off his reputation

Review: CITY OF LOST CHILDREN

THE SINGULAR BURDEN OF SOLITUDE SPARE NO ONE, NOT EVEN GREAT MINDS

Directors: Marc Caro & Jean-Pierre Jeunet
Writers: Gilles Adrien, Jean-Pierre Jeunet & Marc Caro
Cast: Ron Perlman, Daniel Emilfork, Judith Vittet, Dominique Pinon
Certificate: 15
Running Time: 12 mins
Released: 01/09/95

Plot: When One’s adopted little brother is kidnapped by the evil Krank he teams up with an orphan girl called Miette, together they embark on a fairy tale journey to rescue him.

Review: City of Lost Children is a dark fairy tale from the guys that brought us Delicatessen and Amelie. Imagine Charles Dickens, Tim Burton, The Borthers Grimm, Terry Gilliam, Guillermo Del Toro and Jacques Tati all getting together and making a film while David Lynch is shouting ideas at them. Yeah, okay I know that requires a lot of imagination, not least because some of them are very dead, but that’s exactly what the creative minds of Marc Caro and Jean-Pierre Jeunet have done. The world they have created is so fully formed you never stop to question things, regardless of how strange they get. And they get very strange. This film has trained killer fleas, octopus women, talking brains, crazy clones and men with very sensitive hearing. Elaborate sequences of events (there is a great one where the camera follows Miette's tear) do not seem contrived or out of place. In a similar vein, look out for the ingenious mouse based key retrieval system.

The story begins at a sideshow where the childlike One, played by Ron Perlman (yes, him off of Hellboy) is the strong-man. One’s little brother Denree is kidnapped by some strange men with mechanical eyes. One embarks on a mission to rescue him by following the strange Cyclops men. He inadvertently gets caught up in a robbery being undertaken by a group of street children who work under the menacing Octopus. With the help of one of the orphans, Miette, One finds his way, via some very peculiar characters to the oil rig hide out of the evil Krank.

Krank was created by a scientist who also created a wife for himself and six narcoleptic clones. He also created a friend in the form of Irvin, a Brain in a fish tank. Krank is the cleverest man alive, unfortunately he cannot dream which is causing him to prematurely age. To overcome this Krank develops a way of stealing dreams from children. Of course there is a set back - the children are always scared - so all he ever gets from them are nightmares.

This film is visually stunning; the sets are huge bleak cityscapes with surreal Gilliam-esque twisted architecture. Sometimes the camera just pans up and up and up revealing more and more of this world. The most striking thing about the film is its distinctive colour palette. To achieve the bizarre effect the actors wore very light makeup and then the colour balance was altered to give them a natural skin tone. This gives the impression of a real world where even colours are not quite as we know them.

The special effects are great too; this is a film where CGI is used really well. Dominique Pinon, who plays seven roles, gets to interact with himself a lot, and not once did it feel unreal. The actors are all brilliant, Ron Perlman has such an expressive face (he’s classically trained don’t you know) and the kids are all great, especially Miette. The costumes are by Jean-Paul Gautier and fit into the world perfectly. I think this is a film that really needs to be seen at least twice to be fully experienced, the first time to appreciate the story and the second to soak up the visuals.

Obviously it might be a bit too weird for some; I can understand why people wouldn’t like it. The narrative is a bit weak and can be confusing and the pace slows a bit in the middle. It is the acting of Perlman and Judith Vittet and the genuine relationship they portray that really keeps the film going through these points. If you are into films like Dark City, Brazil and Pan's Labyrinth and don’t mind concentrating a bit when watching a film, even one that’s a fairy tale, then I’m sure you will enjoy this.

You know what? I’m gonna say it, yeah, I’m definitely gonna say it…C’est Fantastique!

There I said it.

Review: ALIEN INTRUDER

LANDO TAKES CONVICTS ON SPACE SALVAGE MISSION. THINGS GO WRONG.






















Director: Ricardo Jacques Gale
Writers: Nick Stone
Cast: Billy Dee Williams, Maxwell Caulfield, Tracey Scoggins, Gary Roberts, Richard Cody.
Certificate: 15
Running Time: 120 mins
Release date: Unknown

Plot: The future. A cargo space ship needs to be salvaged after the crew mysteriously kill each other. Commander Skyler (Williams) recruits a team of assorted misfits from a high security prison to travel with him to the stranded ship. Along the way, (more mystery), the crew experience delusions (or do they?) after engaging in use of the ship's 'state of the art' Virtual Reality machine.

Review: BILLY, BILLY, Billy. Why? Was it the money? Desperation? Why?

The Star Wars actor heads up the cast as 'Commander Skyler'. Like Lando Calrissian, it's a cool name, but the similarities end there. Lando was a space hip-cat, too funky for the Empire. Skyler is a morose, love-sick loner.

The story is basically that a woman, 'Ariel', some kind of alien space virus type baddie, warps men's minds out in the cold vacuum of space. She makes them fall for her and fight over her. Skyler experienced this on the ship he and his crew are on their way to intercept, and now he's going back to...actually we're not sure why he's going back. By the look of Williams I'm not sure he knows either.

Of course the alien 'intruder' infiltrates Skyler's new ship (through the VR machine) and warps the men's minds. How does this happen? We don't know.

Most of the film is made up of scenes from the VR machine. The jist is that every Friday the four crew men indulge in a VR 'weekend'. They always each go back to the same scenario; a western, a jazz club, a beach house and a biker convoy. Sex is involved, of course. And jazz. And guns.

Ariel appears in each of the men's fantasy 'weekends', distorting their scenarios and driving them crazy while pervy Lando watches on what is essentially a futuristic peep show. Ariel makes every man fall for her and soon they all end up confused and angry.

Then she starts showing up on board ship. Now apparently only one person can see her at a time, which is confusing for everybody on the ship but quite amusing for the viewer. At one point a crewman is getting really romantic with Ariel, er, physically, when someone else walks into the room and finds the other guy seemingly engaging in a serious bout of dry humping. Nice.

Strangely, Billy Dee Williams is by far the least interesting actor on screen. He seems a shell of his Star Wars personality. He looks bored, confused. Never before have I seen an actor so obviously aware the film he's in is going to turn out very, very bad. Is Williams actually a good actor though ?He's amazing in the Star Wars movies of course, but is shouting, "The shields are still up. That thing [The Death Star] is still operational!," really acting? But who am I to judge. Who are any of us to judge anybody, really?

The other actors are fairly interesting. I won't describe them for you, what would that achieve? Just rest assured that the cast of Alien Intruder (minus Lando) are a tight bunch, their relationships solidified by months in space. Well, until they all kill each other.

Wouldn't tensions be reduced if Skyler took along women instead of horny male convicts? It doesn't make any sense at all. Never mind. I won't go into who killed who, but at the end it's Lando up against one of the other guys and Lando gets fried after declaring his love for Ariel (sample dialogue: "I love you!" - brilliant).

So bang, bang, bang. Everyone dies.

Except one of the crew. I'm going to call him D.J. He blows up the ship and leaves, escaping Ariel. Phew.

Except that he doesn't escape! She's in the escape pod with him. Fantastic! Now he's all alone and will have to hang out and have sex with a really hot alien space chick for months. Hahah, too bad Lan- actually, wait. That sounds kind of cool.

Alien Intruder delivers in the way all rubbish films deliver. The story makes absolutely no sense, the effects are AWFUL and the pacing of the narrative is poor.

Some people think Billy Dee Williams worst negotiating moment was when he sold out to Vader in Empire. Wrong! It was agreeing to star in Alien Intruder.

Bad film, good way to spend time.

Review: CYBORG 3: THE RECYCLER

IN THE FUTURE CYBORGS TURN TO RUTHLESS RECYCLERS AFTER FALL OF eBay


Director: Michael Schroeder
Writers: Barry Victor & Troy Bolotnick
Cast: Zach Gilligan, Khrystyne Haje, Richard Lynch, Andrew Bryniarski
Certificate: 18
Running Time: 90 mins
Released: 25/11/94

Plot: Set some time after the end of the 'Golden Age', cyborgs are cruelly hunted by recyclers for spare parts to sell onto other 'borgs. Some recyclers are ruthless and hunt down healthy cyborgs regardless of what condition they are in. Lewellyn (Lynch) is the worst of the lot. When a 'borg, Cash (Haje), becomes mysteriously pregnant, Lewellyn chases her for the glory of the prize together with side kick Jacko (Bryniarski).

Review: DO ANDROIDS dream of electric sheep? Or do they dream of money the same as the rest of us? It's money of course! Cyborg 3 pictures a futuristic dystopia where our android cousins are prostitutes, murderers and thugs, only too happy to help out recyclers like the evil Lewellyn in collecting arms, eyes, legs and...well, anything in fact, from other cyborgs.

Not that all cyborgs are bad. Just some of them. One of the bad ones is the 'star' of Cyborg 3, Malcom McDowell. In total McDowell has a whopping two scenes that must amount to about 6 minutes of screen time. If that. He is killed by Lewellyn after they hangle over a new hand unit for Malcom. Which is quite dissapointing. His absence leaves the film bereft of anything resembling star talent to carry the film.

The principal story concerns one cyborg, 'Cash' becoming pregnant (don't ask) and escaping from the dirty claws of Lewellyn with programmer Evans (Gilligan) to seek the safe haven of the fabled 'Cytown'. Oh, and Evans lives in a cave for a reason that is never made clear.

It's a hard journey. Lot's of stuff gets blown up, for a start. But then all of a sudden they find Cytown, full of mangled 'borgs (imagine the crazy deformed toys in Syd's room in Toy Story), who seem grumpy then helpful and everything looks pretty rosey.

So they're safe, right? Game Over.

Of course not! Lewellyn launches an all-out assault with the help of some bikers (who have appeared from somewhere) and attacks Cytown. The 'good' cyborgs help defend Cash and Evans. It's a bit like a western, but without any tension.

By this point Cash has 'given birth' and is carrying around a little metal tin thing containing her 'baby'. Sometimes we get to see inside the metal tin thing (cue some very special low budget mid 90s CGI).

Lewellyn manages to corner Cash and demands Jacko to help him take the baby away. But Jack has a change of (artificial) heart and attacks Lewellyn. The other deformed cyborgs get back and everything is wrapped up. Literally, the film just ends, suddenly, after Lewellyn is killed. Whether he regretted his life as a mean recycler only Cyborg God knows. Do androids go to heaven? Now there's a question.

Cyborg 3 is an entertaining b-movie romp that falls way short of it's ambitions to be taken seriously as a straight sci-fi genre pic. While it contains none of the continuity/effect errors of many lovable budget affairs, the overall production is pretty awful, with mediocre acting, sloppy direction, hurried conclusion and it's 'star' dies at the start.

Brilliant!

Review: HEDWIG AND THE ANGRY INCH

An anatomically incorrect rock odyssey…

Director: John Cameron Mitchell
Writer: John Cameron Mitchell (Screenplay) and Stephen Trask (Music and Lyrics)
Cast: John Cameron Mitchell, Michael Pitt, Miriam Shore, Andrea Martin
Certificate: 15
Running Time: 89 mins
Released: 31/08/01

Plot Outline: Hedwig, born in East Berlin the year the wall was erected is the victim of a botched sex change operation. She moves to America and forms a rock band. The film follows their tour as they pursue her ex lover and protégé Tommy Gnosis, now a major star. Hedwig meanwhile pursues identity and love.

Review: Hedwig and The Angry Inch, based on an off-Broadway play is directed and written by John Cameron Mitchell who also stars in the title role. The awesome music and lyrics are supplied by Stephen Trask. Inspired by Mitchell’s own early life in West Berlin it tells the story of aspiring rock star Hedwig Robinson.

Hedwig’s story is told mainly via live performances and flashbacks. We first join her playing with her band “The Angry Inch” in a series of Bilgewaters buffet restaurants to unimpressed diners. We learn that Hedwig, living in East German was born male. As a boy Hedwig, then Hansel, spent his time listening to American forces radio and was brought up on a diet of David Bowie, Lou Reed and Iggy Pop. Hansel eventually meets a G.I, Luthor who falls in love with him and promises to take him to America. Luthor persuades Hansel that the best way for them to legitimately and safely leave the country is for them to marry, but this requires Hansel to undergo a sex change. As his mother puts it, to walk away you have to leave a piece of yourself behind. The sexual reorientation goes terribly wrong and Hansel is left with nothing more than an inch long stump, neither male nor female, not both but neither. Hansel, becoming Hedwig is truly androgynous.

Hedwig moves to America, but Luthor soon leaves and she ends up alone in a trailer park. She eventually meets confused Christian teenager Tommy Speck and together they write songs and fall in love, Hedwig giving him his stage name Tommy Gnosis. Tommy makes it big, leaving Hedwig behind as he quickly rises to stardom. Hedwig is alone again.

The film obviously draws comparisons with The Rocky Horror Picture Show, both glam rock musicals dealing with issues of sexuality and identity. Where Rocky tends to deal with sexuality and freedom to be who you want to be, Hedwig is love and finding out who you want to be. The film features a great mixture of songs clearly, like Hedwig influenced by Bowie, Lou and Iggy. Bowie in fact produced the L.A version of the stage musical. If someone put some Ziggy Stardust, a lot of Aladin Sane and some Diamond Dogs into one big melting pot with a dash of Rocky Horror this might be what you'd get stylistically and in its androgynous themes. The songs are catchy, anthemic, raucous and beautiful. I know sound design can be a boring topic but the sound on this film is amazing, as you would hope from a musical, but even the non-musical moments have stunning sound design.

The films philosophy is drawn from the theories of Aristophanes as brilliant and cleverly retold in the song “The Origin of Love.” Get ready for a lesson in Ancient Greek literature and philosophy. Here we go; Plato’s Symposium tells the tale of a group of philosophers discussing love through a series of speeches. The fictional version of Aristophanes describes how;

“the sexes were not two as they are now, but originally three in number; there was man, woman, and the union of the two.”

Not only this but humans were biologically very different for example;

“primeval man was round, his back and sides forming a circle; and he had four hands and four feet, one head with two faces.”

Now the humans became too powerful and made a challenge on the gods, as punishment the gods decided to reduce the strength of the humans by cutting them in half.

“They shall walk upright on two legs, and if they continue insolent and will not be quiet, I will split them again and they shall hop about on a single leg.”

So the three sexes are split right down the middle, forming what we now know as humans. These humans are desperate to find their other half, to complete themselves.

“After the division the two parts of man, each desiring his other half, came together, and throwing their arms about one another, entwined in mutual embraces, longing to grow into one, they were on the point of dying from hunger and self-neglect, because they did not like to do anything apart; and when one of the halves died and the other survived, the survivor sought another mate, man or woman as we call them,--being the sections of entire men or women,--and clung to that. They were being destroyed, when Zeus in pity of them invented a new plan: he turned the parts of generation round to the front, for this had not been always their position, and they sowed the seed no longer as hitherto like grasshoppers in the ground, but in one another; and after the transposition the male generated in the female in order that by the mutual embraces of man and woman they might breed, and the race might continue”

Aristophanes sums up by saying:

“Each of us when separated, having one side only, like a flat fish, is but the indenture of a man, and he is always looking for his other half.”

The film follows Hedwig’s quest to discover the identity she hides beneath the various wigs and to complete herself, to find her other half that was torn from her by the gods. Tommy Gnosis and Hedwig in some respects then are the two halves of the same whole. In the stage version the two roles are played by the same actor. Like Plato’s Symposium, Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night and of course Rocky Horror to muse on the meaning and nature and love requires exploration of human nature and to some extent gender.

Hey but lets not get bogged down with the subtext. The film is bright, colourful, loud and fast paced, whizzing along, the story is told in 89 fantastic minutes. The live band scenes have a documentary feel to them, Mitchell singing the vocals live on set rather than miming to a pre-recorded track. The flashbacks have an eastern European cinema look with a bleak blue hue. The film blends elements of stage musical, rock shows and art-house cinema. Together with director of photography Frank DeMarco, the cinematography is beautiful. They have a Wes Anderson feel for the aesthetic, shots framed like paintings, a perfect example being Tommy gazing into a mirror to admire his new Gnosis look, as Hedwig holds it and their two halves become one.

The film has its dark moments and is often moving and frequently witty. Mitchell deserves high praise for his performance as Hedwig. His portrayal as this tragic character carrying herself with a strained and fragile dignity is superb.

The film is not without its flaws. The supporting characters with the exception perhaps of Gnosis are essentially one-dimensional. The majority of the band don’t even have speaking roles, they barely have names. The importance of band member/partner Yitzhak is confusing and only very slightly hinted at unless you watch the deleted scenes on the DVD. This lack of supporting characters is not that surprising though when you consider the stage version is little more than a one man show.

I think - and I may be reading far too much into this - that the film has nods to other rock musicals, some maybe even subconsciously. One of the best songs in the film is “Wig in a Box” sung as the side of Hedwigs trailer comes down forming a stage. The windows form pits for the band members to stand in, which reminded me of the house the Beatles sheared in Help! At the end of this song the camera pans up to a pylon, complete with spotlight beams before cutting to a close up of a pool in a shopping mall, very reminiscent of the RKO scene in Rocky Horror. Oh and I’m sure this is just my warped mind, but when Hedwig is outside a warehouse towards the end of the film, it very much looks like the club that the cross dressing Gene Symons plays in, in Never Too Young To Die.

The films ambiguous ending allows the viewer to ponder the issues raised in this fun and uplifting musical. If you like David Bowie, Glam Rock and campy musicals, especially Rocky Horror then this is for you. It is glossy and trashy in a good way. A rocking romp that under the surface deals with some very deep concepts.

Review: SKIDOO

IT TAKES TWO TO SKIDOO

Director: Otto Preminger
Writer: Doran William Cannon
Cast: Jackie Gleason, Carol Channing, Cesar Romero, Frankie Avalon, Burgess Meredith, Richard Kiel, Frank Gorshin, Mickey Rooney, Slim Pickens, Harry Nielson, Groucho Marx
Certificate: Not Certified in the UK
Running Time: 97 mins
Released: 19/12/68

Plot Outline: It’s really not that important (at least the screenwriter didn’t think it was) but ok, here goes. It has something to do with an ex-gangster being called out of retirement by God to perform one last hit on a prison inmate. While in prison he trips on acid, everyone trips on acid, something happens on a boat.

Review: Firstly I should make it clear that it probably wont matter what I say in this review, you will want to see this film regardless. I could tell you it was the worst film ever made, I could tell you it was the best, but by the time I have described it to you, you will need to see this film more than Woody Allen needs someone to tell him when an idea isn’t working.

Let’s start at the beginning, what does Skidoo mean? I don’t know, but it is a counterculture film directed by famous Austrian Otto Preminger, you may remember him for the role of Mr Freeze in the original Batman series. You probably wont. Notoriously grumpy - Adam West apparently describing him as incredibly rude and unpleasant – Preminger managed to assemble an all-star cast for this 1968 classic. Admittedly a lot of them are from Batman so it seems he was quite lazy too.

The film starts at the home of ex-mobster Tony Banks played by The Honeymooner starring, Fred Flintstone inspiring, UFO buff Jackie Gleason. Since graduating from mobster to ex-mobster Banks has set up a used car dealership and settled down with his bizarrely dressed wife Flo, played by Channing and his daughter Darlene, played by Alexandra Hay. The Joker from Batman (how delightful) and Frankie Avalon turn up saying they have a message from God for Banks. The unusual Blues Brothers explain that God wants him to kill his old pal Mickey Rooney, here referred to as “Blue Chips.” Banks initially turns down the offer until his no-chinned pal Harry is found dead by an act of God. No plagues of locust here though, Harry was shot through the head in a car wash.

Banks agrees to perform the hit. You might wonder why God could not arrange for “Blue Chips” to be smitten as per Harry, well “Blue Chips” is in prison, so Banks has to ‘pretend’ to be a criminal so that he can infiltrate the prison and do the job.

So far so good. Well I say ‘good’ but…anyway, while Banks is in prison there is some other nonsense going on with Flo dressed as Big Bird inviting Darlene’s hippy boyfriend, the hilariously named Stash, and all his dirty hippy friends to come and live at Franks house. It appears naked body painting and bad singing is illegal so the hippies need a refuge.

Flo and Darlene both go and see Frankie Avalon to ask him to get Banks out. He has an amazing apartment which bears witness to some extreme wide mouthed dancing from Flo. Flo tries to seduce Avalon, and provocatively jumps on his bed. Luckily for Avalon with the press of a button the bed sinks into the floor and the wall revolves replacing his boudoir with an office. He agrees to take Darlene to see God. God lives not in heaven, but in seclusion on a yacht. God also has a mistress who falls for Stash, while God falls for Darlene. Did I mention God was played by the 78 year old Groucho Marx? Well he is, complete with Marx brothers greasepaint moustache which he was allegedly bullied into wearing by the lovely director.

Meanwhile The Riddler from Batman, who for some reason can only talk with his teeth clenched fills Banks in on the situation in prison. Banks cellmate, “The Professor” played by Austin Pendleton (great in Short Circuit) has somehow changed the wiring of a television so that they can use it to communicate with “Blue Chips.” After they communicate he decides he cannot kill his old pal Mickey Rooney and so will spend the rest of his life in prison. He writes a note to Flo to explain this. Unfortunately the envelope he licks one of “The Professors” and is laced with enough LSD to drug the Isle of Mann or the population of a prison (hmmm that might be important). I hope you aren’t finding this too confusing, because it’s about to take a turn for the strange.

What follows is a mesmerising piece of late 60’s cinema. Tony Banks trips out, “The Professor” shrinks, some eye balls float in some goo, a gun appears, the barrel bends and fires out some numbers like at the start of Batfink, a screw floats across the screen, the screw has Groucho Marks head, Banks makes some strange laughs and moans.

Whilst tripping Banks formulates a brilliant plan for his escape. Feigning an illness by painting spots on their faces Banks and “The Professor” move to the hospital ward from which they can sneak through the ventilation shafts to the prison kitchen. Here they slip the acid laced stationary into the food and make a hot air balloon from the sacks the cabbages were delivered in. The whole prison including the wardens (one of which is the Penguin), proceed to have a good old fashioned freak out; Harry Nielson watches some naked American Football, some metal cans dance about, that kind of thing.

The balloon is huge, really huge, but luckily the guards are tripping so hard they simply fall in love with “the big beautiful blob of nothing” leaving Frank and “The Professor” free to make their escape. As they arrive at Gods yacht Flo, dressed as an Admiral is leading a flotilla of hippy ships to the boat. At this point she sings the song of the title. Everyone gets married and God and “The Professor” sail off in a ‘love boat’ smoking pot. The End.

But wait, the best bit of the film is the closing credits. No, not in a relieving way like in Catwoman, here the credits are genuinely brilliant. Harry Nielson ‘sings’ every word. It doesn’t matter that they don’t rhyme or quite fit the tune, it’s still great. And that’s about it. Go on admit it; you want to see this film now don’t you? Well lets just say it’s an experience, and I for one am not going to talk you out of it, just don’t blame me if it changes your life forever*

* Disclaimer: your life can change for better or worse, your home might be at risk if you fail to keep up repayments.

Top 15 Soundtrack Songs

SONGS IN films can be brilliant. These particular songs are not picked just because they're good tunes. I mean, they are good tunes, but songs chucked into films for no reason is meaningless. I've highlighted these because they really capture the spirit, tone or mood of the film they're included in. Or maybe they just seem cool juxtaposed with what's happening on screen.

The rules: No scores, and clearly no musical numbers are allowed. It has to be distinctive songs, not jazz-hands show numbers.

1. 'We Are Gonna Be Friends' by The White Stripes, from Napolean Dynamite (2004) Cute and fun, The Stripes tune accompanies one of my favourite opening credit sequences (see right).

2. 'Head Over Heels' by Tears For Fears (left), from Donnie Darko (2001)
Quite amazing a song can make you nostalgic for a time you didn't even really experience. I was seven when the 80's ended.

3. 'Nowhere To Run' by Arnold McCuller, from The Warriors (1979)
The Warriors are on their way back to Coney island. They've got nowhere to run to and nowhere to hide. Appropriate song then.

4. 'Sometimes' by My Bloody Valentine (right), from Lost In Translation (2001)
Fuzzy, distorted and dreamy, Kevin Shields' song from the album Loveless perfectly captures the tone of Sofia Coppola's whistful indie hit.

5. 'Savin' The Day' by Alessi, from Ghostbusters (1984)
Ok, so the guys have just been released from jail. Winston has seen "shit that'll turn you white," and everyone is pretty scared. Then this song kicks in and you just know the Ghostbusters are going kick some ass.

6. 'Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In) by Kenny Rogers and The First Edition, from The Big Lebowski (1998)
Strange sounding stoner song. After that brilliant use of alliteration I don't know what else to say. It's the companion piece to a great fantasy/dream sequence where The Dude floats down a bowling alley. Cool.

7. 'Playing With The Boys' by Kenny Loggins, from Top Gun (1986)
It was a close call between this and 'Danger Zone' but the gay overtones of the sweaty, topless volleyball scene just about tips it.

8. 'Back In Time' by Huey Lewis and The News (left), from Back To The Future (1985) If you say you haven't wanted to ride a skateboard while holding onto the back of a car and listening to Huey then...you're a liar.

9. 'Staralfur', by Sigur Rios, from The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou (2005)
Hauntingly pretty song from the post-rock Icelanders encapsulates the sense of wonder as Zissou and his team encounter the Jaguar shark.

10. 'Son Of A Preacher Man' by DustySpringfield, from Pulp Fiction (1994)
Tarantino's defining moment? It doesn't get any cooler than this. The guy from Look Who's Talking strolling through Marcia Wallace's house, off his box on heroin and trying to find the intercom. Genius.

11. 'No Easy Way Out' by Robert Tepper, from Rocky IV (1985)
Not one of the more famous tunes from the Rocky arsenal but chosen as it's the definative 80's mid film 'driving-around-in-a-car-seeing-flashbacks-while-conveiently-relevant-rock-music-plays' sequence.

12. 'Where Is My Mind?' by The Pixies (right), from Fight Club (1998)
The crazy twist about Tyler Durden has been relevealed and loads of buildings are crashing down around Ed Norton and Helena Bonham Carter. Fitting.

13. 'Stonehenge' by Spinal Tap, from This Is Spinal Tap (1984)
The onlyout and out comedy song on the list, Stonehenge must be experienced within context of the film to fully appreciate. "In ancient times, many years before the dawn of history..."

14. 'Waltzing Matilda' by Lou Reed, from The Squid And The Whale (2006)
Lovely ending to Noah Baumbach's brilliantly witty film set in 1980's Brooklyn. The surging violins sound how you feel as the film plays out.

15. Anything from Forrest Gump (1994)
This is kind of cheating as this soundtrack contains a ton of classic tunes from the Great american Songbook, although I'm not sure exactly what that is.


AND SOME EXAMPLES OF BAD USAGE OF SONGS

'Maybe Tomorrow' by Stereophonics (left), from Crash (2006)
Terrible way to end a really great film.

'Alien in New York' by Sting, from Leon (1994)
Sometimes even if a song seems appropriate, that doesn't make it right!

'Little Bird' by Annie Lennox, from Striptease (1996)
I really like Annie Lennox. This, then, was like watching someone pour ketchup on your ice cream. You just want to scream out, "Stop, STOP, you're ruining it!" Thankfully this was the end of Demi Moore in proper roles.

Review: C.H.U.D

YOU WON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT MEANS!


Director: Douglas Cheek
Writers: Shepard Abbott, Parnell Hall
Cast: John Heard, Daniel Stern, Christopher Curry, Kim Greist, Laure Mattos
Certificate: 18
Running Time: 88 mins
Released: 31/08/84

Plot: Following a string of disappearances in New York City, a persist ant policeman fights against the city authorities to unravel a terrifying mystery involving radioactive waste, murder and mutation.

Review: IT SEEMS that along with 'swapping identities' (Freaky Friday, Big, Filofax, that one with Lenny Henry) one of the the most common themes for an 80's film was 'something going wrong due to toxic waste'. While this has provided some entertaining big-budget hits such as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles series, this is especially true of super-low budget efforts, with the Troma studio being a clear pack leader offering up The Toxic Avenger and The Class of Nuke'em High.

C.H.U.D sets it's stall out pretty early. The first scene in fact. A lone woman walks down a generic grimy street at night. It is cold and wet, but all seems normal. Unfortunately for her, she stops over a man-hole cover and when it opens she meets not a friendly turtle, but the deformed claws of a ravenous CHUD. And he's not after pizza, either.

Her dissapearance is not uncommon. Many people been dissapearing off the streets but no one seems to care as they're mostly homeless people, which could be a hint of social commentary but probably isn't.

After that we don't get treated to a whole lot of CHUD (Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller) action for some time. What we do get is a lot of character development with some pretty good actors. Cooper, played by John Heard (below, left; later of Home Alone and Big fame) and Shepard, played by Daniel Stern (below, right; later of City Slickers and also Home Alone fame) go about their own separate investigations into the CHUD business. Cooper is a photographer with a pregnant girlfriend Lauren (Kim Griest) and Shepard is played as a very convincing soup kitchen worker concerned over the disappearance of 'undergrounders', homeless folks who live, er, underground.

Stern leads Capt. Bosch (Christopher Curry) into the sub-terranean labyrinth beneath New York looking for missing undergrounders. Bosch is particularly interested in finding out what the hell has happened as the woman who went missing at the start of the film is his wife. They don't find many undergrounders, or CHUDs, but they do find lots of Geiger counters, left from a team of scientists (who are also missing). When they turn on the Geiger counters the dials light up like a Christmas tree. They don't give any actual readings but they do go off the scale, meaning only one thing - CHUDs!

With this evidence of radioactive activity Bosch and Shepard go to see the city council who tell them (off the record, of course) that yes, some radioactive waste may have gone astray somewhere under the city.

More attacks follow and we get to see the CHUDs in a bit more detail. They are horrible looking creatures with bright eyes and sharp claws, a cross between H.G. Well's Morlocks from The Time Machine and Jeff Goldblum halfway through becoming The Fly. They kill an old man and terrify a young girl. Capt. Bosch's wife turns up in the river. Or part of her does, at least.

C.H.U.D is full of charming B-movie cliches and implausibilities such as when a woman goes over to investigate a pile of cardboard boxes for absolutely no reason and is, of course, attacked by a CHUD. Such ridiculous writing is really quite endearing and drowns out any realistic critical voice as you just sit back and enjoy the action unfold.

It is in the final gripping act that C.H.U.D really cranks up the tension and drama. Lauren goes for a shower and is trapped in her apartment by a group of CHUDs who are out and about above ground level. A sequence where a CHUD bursts through her bathroom wall and she decapitates him is probably the film's best moment.

The dizzying end of the film is truly a roller coaster experience. Some diners in a cafe (including a young and reasonably slim John Goodman) get massacred and the city authorities move into action. All man-hole covers are covered by vehicles to try and halt the progress of the CHUDs. Unfortunately for Cooper and Shepard, they are now trapped underground with the CHUDs. However, they miraculously find a TV camera (also left by the scientists) that works perfectly and broadcast their plight. They are helped by Bosch, who is then shot by an evil council member who doesn't want to truth of the CHUDs to get out. The council member then tries to run the serviving cast members over in a van but is shot by Shepard. The van's tyre drops into a man-hole and the van bizarrely blows up.

At the end Cooper, Bosch and Shepard are joined by Lauren (who has escaped) and all is well.

C.H.U.D feels a little short at 88 minutes and many questions are left unanswered. Who are the CHUDs? How many of them are there? Can they talk? Do they feel emotions? Will they emerge again? And who has been running the soup kitchen in Shepard's absence? Unfortunately all these questions are ignored (in fact the whole plot is ignored) in the sequel C.H.U.D 2: Bud the C.H.U.D. Perhaps they will all be answered in the third part of the trilogy, now 23 years overdue.

C.H.U.D is a solid 80s toxic-monster B-movie. Endearingly awful, but well acted, with a few genuine scares and a big explosion at the end it definately deserves one or two viewings. Probably one. But just because it isn't thought provoking that doesn't mean it won't stimulate discussion!

Review: SUNSHINE

DARK DAYS ARE COMING



Director: Danny Boyle
Writer: Alex Garland
Cast: Rose Byrne, Chris Curtis, Chris Evans, Troy Garity, Cilian Murphy, Hiroyuki Sanada, Benedict Wong, Michele Yeoh
Certificate: 15
Running Time: 107 mins
Released: 5/05/07

Plot Outline: Set 50 years in the future, a group of astronauts have embarked upon a desperate mission to restart our dying sun. They are the second attempt to carry out the task, the first having mysteriously failed seven years before. Travelling on board the Icarus II, the assorted crew members must confront mechanical, psychological and spiritual crises in order to complete their mission.

Review: DANNY BOYLE'S assorted crew of astronauts, physicists and a psychologist are a long way from home. Millions of miles away, in fact. For the last 16 months they have been riding shotgun with the largest nuclear payload ever constructed, heading straight towards the source of all life on our planet, the sun. Quite literally on a star trek, their aim is to to deliver the payload into the heart of the sun in an attempt to restart the stumbling giant.

Armed also with the knowledge their goal is possible only in theory and that the previous mission has failed, things are understandably tense on board the unfortunately named 'Icarus 2'. Why the future generations of Earth would want to name their last hope after the legendary figure who flew too close to the sun and fell to his death only writer Alex Garland knows. And why the future generations of Earth would want to name their last, last hope after the previous ship that was so prophetically named is...well, over to you Mr. Garland.

Aside from such trivial details, the film initially excels. Clearly and unashamedly influenced by Solaris and 2001: A Space Odyssey, Sunshine is often enthralling, thoughtful and epic. But whereas Kubrick opted for taunt, uncomfortable suspense throughout most of 2001, Boyle tries to convey a sense of wonder using ethereal ambient music by Underworld. The scene where the crew gaze upon Mercury passing by the sun is particularly beautiful.

Another simple device Boyle uses to good effect is to confine all shots to in and around the Icarus 2. This serves to increase the sense of growing tension on board. In fact, it is only at the very end of the film where we get a glimpse of the Earth.

While characters are not given the depth and development that they perhaps deserve, it is made clear who is most afraid, headstrong, overwhelmed and spiritually engaged by the mission. The staple genre scenes of the crew around the conference table provide vital exposition and detail what pressures weigh on whom regarding their professional roles on board.

Despite the palpable tension, all is going surprisingly well until a distress call is intercepted from the the Icarus 1. A decision is made to divert to the original ship and gather a second payload that will hopefully give the crew double the chance of success.

This diversion sets of a chain reaction of events that result in significant damage to their own ship, the dramatic death of one member of crew and the despair of others. While hardly original, these sequences are handled with great aplomb, backed by a wonderful score and are genuinely very intense.

As the crew rendezvous with Icarus 1 the audience is treated to some brilliantly chilling sequence of docking and boarding the seemingly deserted sister ship. Capa (Murphy), Mace (Evans), Harvey (Garity) and Searle (Curtis) carry out an extensive search and find the Icarus 1 payload inoperative, a definite lack of crew members and the on-board garden lush and overgrown, a stark contrast to their own which has been destroyed. It is discovered that the cause of the ship's failure psychological, chiefly a religious epiphany by the Captain (Mark Strong). The crew is found incinerated in the Observation room after being exposed to the full power of the sun, the dust from their bodies coating the insides of the ship.

A mysterious accident causes the Icarus 2 to break away from the boarding party and, without enough spacesuits, only one crew member can return to their original ship. Everyone wants to go, however, so wrapped in tinfoil Harvey and Mace accompany the bewildered Capa (snug in his suit) back to the Icarus 1. Searle stays behind to operate the airlock. Mace survives the vacuum of space and -250c temperatures, landing in the Icarus 2 airlock. Harvey is not so lucky, and Searle kills himself on the Icarus 1. While this section strains credibility for what is a film supposedly scientifically plausible, it does no major damage.

It is during the remainder of the story Sunshine begins to unravel. The new threat to the success of the Icarus 2's mission is the prescience of Pinbacker, the insane captain of Icarus 1, who has survived seven years alone on board his ship. He has remarkably stowed away on board Icarus 2 and is hell-bent on stopping the surviving crew members. Like the original Icarus, Pinbacker thinks man should be punished for venturing too close to the Gods.

Up until this point Boyle crafts a film that is thought provoking and compelling. From here on in, one can only describe him of dropping the proverbial ball. Writer Garland simply has nothing interesting to offer regarding the human condition when responsible for the survival of mankind, pushed to the very edge of endurance and far from home. What we get instead is generic Demented Horror Man With No Skin, who has retained the power of speech but who, like Garland, has nothing interesting to say apart from some general quasi-religious ramblings. The character of Pinbacker is so disappointingly derivative of Event Horizon, that if Sam Neil had popped his head around the air-lock door I wouldn't have batted an eye-lid.

The last act of Sunshine is unquestionably confusing. The threat of Pinbacker seemingly dealt with, Capa appears to arm the payload and, suited up, drifts off into space after it in a beautiful sequence that would have been an excellent end to the film. Then Capa is suddenly unsuited, back on board ship, still fighting with Pinbacker and trying to protect Cassie (Rose Byrne) from her crazed attacker. All of a sudden Tarkovsky and Kubrick have not so much taken a back seat as been left behind at the petrol station as Sunshine concludes almost as an inadvertent pastiche of Hellraiser. Eventually the monster is defeated, the payload delivered and the Earth apparently saved.

In the end Sunshine is merely a good example of the genre, rather than a great one. Danny Boyle's film is constantly entertaining, often enthralling and sometimes beautiful. It's just such a shame it ultimately lacks the imagination and creativity to go, well, where no-one has gone before.