IT TAKES TWO TO SKIDOO
Director: Otto Preminger
Writer: Doran William Cannon
Cast: Jackie Gleason, Carol Channing, Cesar Romero, Frankie Avalon, Burgess Meredith, Richard Kiel, Frank Gorshin, Mickey Rooney, Slim Pickens, Harry Nielson, Groucho Marx
Certificate: Not Certified in the UK
Running Time: 97 mins
Released: 19/12/68
Review: Firstly I should make it clear that it probably wont matter what I say in this review, you will want to see this film regardless. I could tell you it was the worst film ever made, I could tell you it was the best, but by the time I have described it to you, you will need to see this film more than Woody Allen needs someone to tell him when an idea isn’t working.
Let’s start at the beginning, what does Skidoo mean? I don’t know, but it is a counterculture film directed by famous Austrian Otto Preminger, you may remember him for the role of Mr Freeze in the original Batman series. You probably wont. Notoriously grumpy - Adam West apparently describing him as incredibly rude and unpleasant – Preminger managed to assemble an all-star cast for this 1968 classic. Admittedly a lot of them are from Batman so it seems he was quite lazy too.
The film starts at the home of ex-mobster Tony Banks played by The Honeymooner starring, Fred Flintstone inspiring, UFO buff Jackie Gleason. Since graduating from mobster to ex-mobster Banks has set up a used car dealership and settled down with his bizarrely dressed wife Flo, played by Channing and his daughter Darlene, played by Alexandra Hay. The Joker from Batman (how delightful) and Frankie Avalon turn up saying they have a message from God for Banks. The unusual Blues Brothers explain that God wants him to kill his old pal Mickey Rooney, here referred to as “Blue Chips.” Banks initially turns down the offer until his no-chinned pal Harry is found dead by an act of God. No plagues of locust here though, Harry was shot through the head in a car wash.
Banks agrees to perform the hit. You might wonder why God could not arrange for “Blue Chips” to be smitten as per Harry, well “Blue Chips” is in prison, so Banks has to ‘pretend’ to be a criminal so that he can infiltrate the prison and do the job.
So far so good. Well I say ‘good’ but…anyway, while Banks is in prison there is some other nonsense going on with Flo dressed as Big Bird inviting Darlene’s hippy boyfriend, the hilariously named Stash, and all his dirty hippy friends to come and live at Franks house. It appears naked body painting and bad singing is illegal so the hippies need a refuge.
Flo and Darlene both go and see Frankie Avalon to ask him to get Banks out. He has an amazing apartment which bears witness to some extreme wide mouthed dancing from Flo. Flo tries to seduce Avalon, and provocatively jumps on his bed. Luckily for Avalon with the press of a button the bed sinks into the floor and the wall revolves replacing his boudoir with an office. He agrees to take Darlene to see God. God lives not in heaven, but in seclusion on a yacht. God also has a mistress who falls for Stash, while God falls for Darlene. Did I mention God was played by the 78 year old Groucho Marx? Well he is, complete with Marx brothers greasepaint moustache which he was allegedly bullied into wearing by the lovely director.
Meanwhile The Riddler from Batman, who for some reason can only talk with his teeth clenched fills Banks in on the situation in prison. Banks cellmate, “The Professor” played by Austin Pendleton (great in Short Circuit) has somehow changed the wiring of a television so that they can use it to communicate with “Blue Chips.” After they communicate he decides he cannot kill his old pal Mickey Rooney and so will spend the rest of his life in prison. He writes a note to Flo to explain this. Unfortunately the envelope he licks one of “The Professors” and is laced with enough LSD to drug the Isle of Mann or the population of a prison (hmmm that might be important). I hope you aren’t finding this too confusing, because it’s about to take a turn for the strange.
What follows is a mesmerising piece of late 60’s cinema. Tony Banks trips out, “The Professor” shrinks, some eye balls float in some goo, a gun appears, the barrel bends and fires out some numbers like at the start of Batfink, a screw floats across the screen, the screw has Groucho Marks head, Banks makes some strange laughs and moans.
Whilst tripping Banks formulates a brilliant plan for his escape. Feigning an illness by painting spots on their faces Banks and “The Professor” move to the hospital ward from which they can sneak through the ventilation shafts to the prison kitchen. Here they slip the acid laced stationary into the food and make a hot air balloon from the sacks the cabbages were delivered in. The whole prison including the wardens (one of which is the Penguin), proceed to have a good old fashioned freak out; Harry Nielson watches some naked American Football, some metal cans dance about, that kind of thing.
The balloon is huge, really huge, but luckily the guards are tripping so hard they simply fall in love with “the big beautiful blob of nothing” leaving Frank and “The Professor” free to make their escape. As they arrive at Gods yacht Flo, dressed as an Admiral is leading a flotilla of hippy ships to the boat. At this point she sings the song of the title. Everyone gets married and God and “The Professor” sail off in a ‘love boat’ smoking pot. The End.
But wait, the best bit of the film is the closing credits. No, not in a relieving way like in Catwoman, here the credits are genuinely brilliant. Harry Nielson ‘sings’ every word. It doesn’t matter that they don’t rhyme or quite fit the tune, it’s still great. And that’s about it. Go on admit it; you want to see this film now don’t you? Well lets just say it’s an experience, and I for
* Disclaimer: your life can change for better or worse, your home might be at risk if you fail to keep up repayments.
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